It happens even to the most take-charge people. Happy hour with the girls turns into an impromptu dinner, and you find yourself agreeing on Mexican even though you were jonesing for Italian fare. How did you get suckered? Most likely, you fell prey to someone whose seduction skills are more finely honed than yours. In fact, according to researchers, you face different forms of persuasion thousands of times a day. “When we come across people who seem to get everyone to do whatever they want them to do, we think they have some kind of magical gift,” says Chris St. Hilaire, author of 27 Powers of Persuasion: Simple Strategies to Seduce Audiences and Win Allies. But you, too, can use a few simple tricks to make sure more situations end up in your favor. To start persuading with the best of ‘em, follow these rules.

Extinguish Fear

Studies show that a person who is a psychopath—just stay with us for a second here—has a dysfunctional amygdala (that’s the part of the brain that processes emotion), which results in an absence of fear. Because of that, psychopaths are able to take risks coolly and confidently. “Understand that not all psychopaths are killers—they head up corporations and perform brain surgery too,” says Kevin Dutton, Ph.D., author of the forthcoming Split-Second Persuasion: The Ancient Art & New Science of Changing Minds. “They score power roles because they approach situations with a confidence that makes others trust them.”

Now, you can’t go messing with your amygdala, but you can build up your inner strength, which in turn, tamps down fear. For example, before you ask the hotel manager for a discount because the hot tub is out of order, or ask your boss about the promotion you’ve been angling for, practice your pitch. “You’ll come off as more self-assured—and more convincing—if you rehearse what you’re going to say,” explains G. Richard Shell, director of the University of Pennsylvania Wharton School’s Strategic Persuasion Workshop.

Reveal Your “Weaknesses”

It may sound like self-sabotage, but it’s a crucial move most people don’t make when trying to get others to see things their way, says St. Hilaire. “If you ignore what others perceive as your weakness, you actually end up shining a light on it,” he says. “On the other hand, if you acknowledge something that you’re not so great at, you can control other people’s perception self of it by recasting it as a strength, which helps win them over.” For example, if you’re a headstrong and opinionated type, St. Hilaire suggests saying something like, “I’m really passionate about my ideas, and sometimes I might get a bit too passionate, so let me know if I’m doing that, OK?” On the shy side? Say, “If I seem kind of quiet, it’s because I like to listen to what everyone else has to say and chime in after I’ve considered their perspectives.”

Work Your Body

We’re not talking about flashing some leg or cleavage, just making more eye contact—experts say it generally conveys a greater sense of authority and trustworthiness. Try to hold someone’s gaze for a few seconds. Any longer than that and it can start to get creepy. Notice the other person’s body language as well, says Maryann Karinch, author of Get People to Do What You Want. “It provides you with clues about their emotional state, which helps you tweak your pitch on the spot,” she says. Did the person you’re talking to suddenly lean back in his chair and cross his arms? He may not be all that open and receptive to what you’ve been saying, so now’s the time to try a different approach. If you notice a foot bouncing up and down—a possible sign that someone is nervous—try to put that person at ease by making her laugh or by simply smiling more yourself.

Ditch the Individualistic Ways

Yes, you’re special, but you want to find common ground with the people you’re trying to persuade. For example, you can mention that you are from the same state or went to the same college, if that’s the case. Or, try not to outright disagree with the person (a simple way to do this is to use the word and instead of the word but). Another trick: Subtly mimic the other person’s phrases and movements. A Duke University study found that students were much more likely to respond favorably to questions if the interviewer was mirroring their movements. All of this will subconsciously make people think you’re smart and trustworthy because it’ll make you seem more like them.

Use People

Human beings love to be among the first to sign on for something—but not necessarily the first. “Fear of failure keeps us from wanting to be at the head of the line,” explains St. Hilaire, “but being near it means you’re going to catch the wave right before it swells—and everyone wants to be that surfer.” So bring third party validation to your cause. Say something like, “My friend who’s a chef said she had one of the best meals in town at this restaurant.” It immediately signals that a few others are on board with you, which makes people feel as if they should hop on too. 

Via WomensHealthMag.com

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